When my sister, Sandi, and I were really young we were totally invested in putting on our costumes and collecting candy on Halloween. Our family lived in a neighborhood that really delivered the goods. After an hour or so, we’d come home with, quite literally, pounds of candy.

Like all other kids, we’d pour out our bounties in piles and get down to the serious business of trading. For a couple of years I got away with trading quantity for quality.

“How about this? I’ll trade you five jawbreakers for a Mounds Bar?”

If I felt any hesitation, I’d quickly change the Mounds request to a Heath Bar—it was smaller—and I’d add a couple of Hershey Kisses to seal the deal.

As we got a bit older, I felt the sting of my con-game come to an abrupt end. I made one of my lame trade offers and Sandi said, with great confidence and more than a little spite, “No. I’d rather throw my candy in the trash.”

I was busted.

I wish we’d had access to one of these magical machines back then. I can’t speak for my sister, but I would have fed it all my candy—except for the Mounds Bars and the Heath Bars, of course.