Jacob and I love to cook and have a library of vintage cookbooks. This evening we were talking about some of the salads that our parents and grandparents made when we were mid-century kids—me in Kansas and him in California.

I was remembering the Ambrosia Salad that my grandmother loved so much. Ambrosia always seemed like it was more of a dessert than a salad, but it was great at Thanksgiving as a light, bright counterpoint to the turkey and stuffing and gravy and buttered sweet potatoes.

While Jacob headed off to pick up ingredients for a classic Waldorf Salad, I decided to look up some of the seafood salads that were so popular in the ’50s and ’60s.

Among the bevy of recipes that I found for shrimp, lobster, crab, and tuna—salads, mousses, terrines, and ceviches—this one got my attention. The recipe—follow at your own peril— specifies that you “bone” your canned lobster and “clean” your canned shrimp.

Bone-Your-Lobster

Canned lobster with bones? Dirty canned shrimp? Woof. That recipe is gross on so many counts.

Thanks, but I’ll wait for Jacob’s mix of fresh grapes, apples, celery, toasted walnuts, black pepper, and mayo on butter lettuce.